Okay well, first thing I’m going say is I’m very sorry. Let me clarify... I’m sorry to those who begin this story in total ignorance because well, it’s not for them and there is much they will not know. These words, this page has nothing to do with them and their lives and I know it won’t mean much. And they can sit here and read all they want but they’ll never truly understand like you do.
But will you understand? I mean the moments were always so brief I feel as if they were nonexistent. Like my over imaginative mind took parts of a wish and projected them before my eyes to your exact likeness and position. And it’s not like we had even talked much before, just a few friendly exchanges in the halls.... ones that I would think about for days in pursuit. It could’ve been true. Really, I mean, maybe it wasn’t a trick of the light or my lack of glasses that I now wear religiously. I really could’ve been there, glancing at you as you did at me from across the way. You and your silly snapback that sat perched, almost toppling off the back of your head. You and your crazy blue eyes that seemed not only to mirror the water, but the whole ocean and it’s plethora of colorful sea life. You and your suddenly rigid body that jolted as your skate board ran over an unexpected bump because your eyes were locked with mine. Just you.... and your smile of which I cannot justify with my lonely sheet of paper. It’s not hard to think of the “what ifs” in life. What if the sky was pink? What if frogs were ten stories tall? What if cats and dogs really did rain from the sky?... What if I had talked to you? And I mean really talked to you like, what if we had talked about food and about color? What if we had talked about college or hobbies or politics? What if I had gotten the guts to actually march up to you and say, “Hey, you’re staring at me, I’m staring at you, let’s go get a coffee.” What would have happened then? Would we be friends or dating? Funny how life teases you like that. Dangles an opportunity right between your eyes and pressures you with thoughts of rejection and failure. Life, the one bully who no one can escape. Yet, in the end, the only one you can blame is yourself. You can’t blame the spark for lighting the flame. All it does is fly, if you let it. You had every chance you could get to quench its light, but you let it fly anyways, bobbing along the pleasant breeze until it catches and the real fire begins. That’s what I did. In that moment where our eyes met, I let the spark fly, glowing softly where only my eyes could see. The glow, small as it was, blinded me and wiped you from my sight and when I could finally see again, you were gone and so was my chance... my opportunity that life once again rubbed in my face the moment you started dating her. So, in the end, I guess I should say I’m sorry to you, too. We both had a chance, swift like one of the currents in your eyes. And we both missed it. No, missed is not the right word. I mean, how can you miss what you’ve never had? But it’s gone never the less and I don’t think it’s an opportunity we will ever see again. |
AuthorSantana, the author of this blog, is a high school student who is ready to go out and show the world what she can do. She loves music and writing and plans to write and produce her own music in years to come. Athletic wise, she loves everything water involved. Swim team and water polo are some of her favorites. ArchivesCategories |